Pilates, Workout From Hades


Some time ago, an acquaintance was raving about Pilates. “It really makes you pay attention your core,” she enthused.

My core could use some attention, so her recommendation stuck with me.

A few months later, a friend gave me a couple of Pilates DVDs. She was having a lot of success with them and being a really good friend, was looking to share that.

I’ll confess, they spent a bit of time lingering on top (not in) my DVD player. I like the elliptical because I can listen to music while I do it. Flip side of the coin is I hate DVDs because there’s always some skinny bitch in coordinated workout clothes, talking through a workout that makes me pant like a sex worker. Also, there are NO piles of laundry to be folded behind the skinny bitch. I call bullshit.

But yesterday, I felt the need to change things up. I got a little crazy. I did Pilates. As usual, I’m about 5 years behind the trends.

You know why Pilates makes you “pay attention to your core”? Because people tend to pay attention to things THAT ARE ON FUCKING FIRE!

Hoooolllleeeeeeeeeee shitsnacks, my waist and abs are singing a pain opera today.

Yes, I know that’s good, I realize that means it’s working. Come closer so I can punch you in the gut and you can feel a fraction of the ouch that I am experiencing.

I’ll keep doing it because it’s worth the results everyone promises are a sure thing. And because Skinny Pilates Bitch is a lot of fun to cuss at. But I’m going to be crabby for a while and if you ask me to reach for anything, I’ll go for your throat.


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