Just Because You’re Paranoid…


Four days ago, I was pawing through my big freezer with frostbitten hands, searching for a bag of chicken parts I damn well knew I put in there days earlier. I had an actual memory of bagging the thighs and legs, labeling them and putting them in the freezer. They were in there.

(My husband says my “actual memories” are not in fact always memories. He has suggested that I used the chicken parts in question and have no “actual memory” of doing so.  I have suggested to my husband that I might develop an “actual memory” of kneecapping him while he sleeps. )

Potential delusions and domestic violence aside, I could not find the chicken. I did find three half finished tubs of ice cream to throw away, so there’s a win.

(How on earth is there uneaten ice cream in my freezer? Who have I become????)

Ahem. This morning, I went to get a bag of freezer jam and sitting there in plain sight is the bag of chicken parts

Conclusion: my freezer has become sentient and is messing with my head.


One response »

  1. Hahahaha okay, seriously. This happens to me all the time, and not just in the freezer– all over the house. I bought a pair of skinny jeans (ON SALE, HUZZAH!) and was super excited about having pants that didn’t have a huge hole in the crotch (like my old skinny jeans that I’d been wearing since 2010) but about 3 minutes after carrying the bag into my house… they disappeared. I looked for them everywhere, they were gone. A week later (after several wearings of the holey jeans) I found them in my bedroom, sitting on top of a pile of clean laundry that I SWEAR I had searched. I’m blaming gremlins. Or house elves…

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